Happy birthday, Dad.

Happy birthday Dad,

Feel like there’s so much to tell you, yet so little. How’s the non corporeal sites and ethereal plane? Are you watching a bunch of horse races or playing cards? Whenever I hear the Train song ‘Drops of Jupiter’, instantly know it’s you. And heard it on the radio A LOT last year, and even the year before in 2017 also.

Even after all these years, your candle lights and the flame is high, your spirit isn’t dimmed, but only emulates stronger and stronger.

My days come and go like a pendulum swing—some days fly so high and are magic and magnificent like a dream come true. Others are low, cold, dark, and I question my path, my purpose, my legacy, my passion, and my expression of love (I express love by doing acts of service, as you already know). Help make my conditions, unconditional and limitless.

Help ego not take over. How can that be accomplished when even some great teachers teach that ego can not be entirely disintegrated, but only healed?

I feel saying I miss you is irrelevant. I will cherish the now moment, yet also cherish the nostalgic memories of meals at sports bars, horses, driving, and going to your favorite son’s house for dinner (your favorite one out of 10 whopping kids total.)

I love you forever, to eternity, and then some.

Thank you for teaching me to do what I love in life.

Thank you for all the video camera home videos, when the cameras were still the size of a football field, and probably weighed about 100 pounds on your shoulder.

Thank you for teaching me that life is a beautiful adventure.

Thank for, for being there to listen, even all the way from the cosmos, when I had a no good, terrible, bad day.

Thank you for teaching me to get to know myself, and there isn’t a day that goes by when I’m still not learning something new.

Big bear hug, from your baby bear- SG

Feeling unhinged? Get Hinged.

Hinge is the antipasto on the menu at a Greek restaurant. Why this silly comparison? Because not only is the dating app Hinge super easy to use, it’s now become the anti Tinder.

Where Tinder has been exclusively known for hookups, and let’s be truthful–short lived, and low quality hookups at best, Hinge offers a breath of fresh air and much needed alternative to that nonsense. Hinge doesn’t allow you to swipe left or right. Hinge focuses on you liking photos or starting a conversation from one of 3 clever preset questions that must display big and boldly on your profile. Questions you answer are aimed at getting a conversation started. It gives you a chance at commonality, or if a relationship isn’t instantly formed, a chance at talking to someone you’d be destined to be besties with.

According to Wikipedia,

“With a goal to be seen as younger and cooler than Match.com or eHarmony but less superficial than Tinder, Hinge dispensed with Tinder-like swiping and used the slogan “the relationship app” The app has a “Your Turn” feature designed to remind a user to continue a conversation, decreasing ghosting. The company released Hinge Matchmaker in September 2017 to reinvent online dating “for people that missed out on the dating app craze“‘

It gives you the chance to change up your three answered questions any time you want also, which is an added bonus. The questions range from stating “two truths and a lie”, “never have I ever”, “my ideal date would be…”, “If I still had AIM, my away message would say..”, to “I geek out on..” The list goes on, and some are open ended or actually make it where you’re asking the person on your profile to debate with you or change your mind about something you think is the best. Lol. Most of the questions are actually smartly done to be open ended, or bare minimum, an easy ice breaker. They are an amazing part of the app. The app is mostly free with only in purchase add on’s to be able to send unlimited likes, see all that liked you, and access to the app’s ‘Experts’. But if you’re good without those boosts or add ons, you’ll be able to use most of the normal functionality of the app without any purchase.

Buzzfeed writer Lara Parker reviewed Hinge in the following delightful way: “Hinge’s thing is calling themselves the dating app for people who don’t want to be on dating apps, and honestly I RELATE. They say their app is “designed to be deleted” and that’s a campaign I can fucking get behind. On Hinge the profiles are a bit more built out — you have the 5-6 pictures, but then you also have to answer three questions and it gives you the ability to share more about yourself and learn more about others. You can react to people’s answers on the questions OR photos, and anyone can message anyone. You can’t send pictures, which is honestly probably for the best.

If you are tired of the online dating apps out there, this is your antipasto. A salad that may still be a salad, but loaded with delicious cheese and olives and meat! This app is your anti Tinder, and can say it’s a jackpot find.

Tired of today’s no rules dating world? Integrate fun with life again. Integrate fun with finding a relationship again. Go from unhinged to stability. Go ahead and get Hinge.

A couple more Honorable mentions if Hinge is still not for you! And well, my unnecessary quick two sense on Tinder:

Bumble–balls strictly in the girls court with this app, and Buzzfeed even compares it to feeling like you’re “back in junior highI.” Buzzfeed says, “Bumble is really similar to Tinder in that you set parameters for who you’re looking for and then swipe them left or right. However, on Bumble, the ball is in the woman’s court. After matching with a woman, it’s on her to reach out and say hi. They have 24 hours to do this before the connection expires.

In a different buzzfeed article, Parker says, “Bumble is a dating app created by one of the co-founders of Tinder who happens to be a woman. In straight matches (like mine), women are required to make the first move. The idea is that women will receive less creepy messages and be more in control of the conversation. There is also opportunity to answer questions about yourself, so I liked it for the most part because it was a pretty good indicator of whether or not someone and I would get along.

Looking for complete freebies still?

Okcupid– okay, so haven’t used this dating site/app in what feels like is a century, but could actually be a decade at my age. Okcupid has an endless number of questions. If you can get past that, and the fact that anyone can message you, and when I say anyone, I mean anyone–including guys you already had failed dates with, couples looking for a third, or any number of other creepsters, you can use your discernment to weed out the pests, to find some hidden gems and treasures. It’s completely free too.

Tinder-pretty similar to what I wrote about Okcupid, but you must be okay with it being only about superficial flings with this app. The proximity and mileage tracker is a bit scary in it too, or annoying if nothing else. It actually shows you when someone can be less than a mile away or 5000 miles away–leaving room for you to know instantly if a message you sent is being ghosted or a big fat lie was sent your way. Also, going by my experience in 2016 with this app. Knowing today’s technology, a lot could’ve changed, even in 2 measly years.

-SG

Letter to my 2019 self and unnecessarily rehashing 2018.

  • As a starting note, did write “A letter to my future self” back in 2015, where I even gave specific instructions to myself to look back up at it to compare notes five years later. That’s still technically over a year away. So let’s call this a getting close to that date post, let’s call this a minor intention post, let’s call this yet another letter and conversation with the Universe.

Dear feisty, young looking, beautiful AND cute self,

What the fuck was 2018? The word doozy doesn’t even begin to describe it. So much purging. So much releasing. So much pain. So much art from pain. So much like that cliche– two steps forward, to have to take two, or in some cases, three steps back. Pretty sure in Chinese astrology 2018 was year of the Dog, which is my Chinese astrology animal. The match up didn’t help soothe the year’s bumpy ride in the least.

But 2019, even with your 3 Jupiter square Neptunes and typical Mercury retrogrades, you show so much promise. Promise of creation because you’re a Universal 3 year (my life Path number), promise of unforeseen gorgeous breathtaking sights due to travel?, and a mountaintop view of victory. (Or at bare minimum the view will show uncanny self acceptance?)

The universe knows the intricate details of what’s waiting to materialize from inside my Vortex. The only time that matters is now. Be in the now moment. Why? To fully appreciate everything now, PLUS things on the train to you! Some much needed talking therapy may still be calling your name again soon, but so is unconditional love, travel, new timelines, creativity (Life path 3 connection again), divine protection (because sometimes situations not working out is the biggest stroke of luck you can have), and last to the party, but not least, your birthright prosperity.

I wholeheartedly cannot wait to go back to your letter to self from June 2015 next year in 2020. I know for sure you’ll be spot on about most of it.

Exuding subtle confidence, while putting a world of faith into the year to come.

A lot can change and happen in a year, right? Yes, it can!

Be easy on yourself—-your jackpot may be coming a little later in life, especially since you age in reverse anyhow.

Signed with love, with floating around insane ideas, and endless self acceptance, (from your year younger self)–SG

At least Venus retrograde has been better than the summertime?

For those who follow the Planet transits, Venus has been retrograde since around October 5th, and doesn’t go direct until November, then immediately after that, Mercury (communication) goes retrograde.

So with Venus being the planet of love and beauty, and retrograde being a metaphorical backspin of the planet, it mainly connects to only your love life or relationships, right? Wrong! So far, feel it has actually been sooo sooo much more about finances, money, and your own beauty, the beauty inside and out you. Your soul beauty. Soul alignment. Self love can be included in the mix of words, but it’s really so much stronger than that. Any retrograde naturally brings a massive internal reflection feel. Now don’t get me wrong, an ex lover can come back, heck even a strained parent child relationship, old friendships, co worker tension, can all surface and be revisited for healing. The relationships that were like a cold case, platonic or not, will still be an important theme. This can even include relationships that would’ve been better off not being physical, or vice versa, platonic relationships that were meant to be intimate, but never were.

Back to the reflection feel, know that this can actually manifest in different ways. It doesn’t have to necessarily mean an ex knocking down your door or blowing up your phone. This can actually manifest as odd and unique ways of thinking of an ex or past relationship. For example, this manifested in my reality as listening to few old songs that I haven’t heard in over a decade, but represented transformative healing. A new way to not only think about the past, but shed what has to be shed. So, even the thinking of past relationships will be common during this retrograde, because with this Venus retro being in the sign of Scorpio, truths are uncomfortably unraveled for one reason and one reason only: to transform and rebirth a new love life. This is your love relationship with an intimate partner or spouse, this is your love story with money, this is your trust in yourself. Clarity will be gained through this love retrograde by enhancing and integrating light on you shadow side. Think of this new moon in Libra that past a couple weeks ago…perfect example of that. Libra illuminates outward their own repressed dark, shadow junk. Definitely important if your have Libra in your 7th house too, besides that recent moon phase example. So own the once disowned shadow side of yourself, whether you’re in a relationship at the moment, have past relationships coming up during this retrograde, or feel stuck.

Making decisions of repeating the past inside relationships or evolving from it, will also take center stage. This may be a little bit more written for single people, but know that if you’re in a relationship old patterns or old circumstances that were presented in the past will sneak in again during this retrograde. No way around it, kids. Be brave enough to choose to evolve instead. Especially if you do have a partner that you already know is in it for long haul. Not the few years type of long haul, but decades and decades kind of committed long haul. Ask, what primary lesson is this teaching? Then shed anything that doesn’t serve your expansion, growth, and uncompromisable love. These retrogrades (Venus and mercury) will be a lot on your emotions, but after the eclipse season 2018 we had during the summertime, it will somehow feel easier. Follow your truth, intuition (heart), and evolve through any level of intensity that’s thrown your way.

Sleep Paralysis

By: SG (Single Girl)™

My Jupiter frequency playing,

too loudly.

One figure appeared,

and paralysis entered uninvited.

Multiple voices disguised as the familiar.

It came in, over my body, like a tight weight.

The weight couldn’t be moved.

Somehow heavy, yet weightless,

at the same time.

science says…

it’s all because you wake up

before REM sleep is finished.

If it’s your imagination,

why does it feel so real?

Is the indescribable fright

anything science can explain?

First it feels like a tugging hug.

The more you try to scream,

the less you can.

“Don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me.”

I thought I said out loud,

but may have only been in my dreamland.

“Why are you here?”

Leave my soul alone, I spoke again in my head.

Sleep is too sacred for this.

I’m stronger than an illusion

or dream hallucination.

How many times in a lifetime can this happen?

Control mind over matter.

Ego, the demon, and voices are gone now.

And once and for all for good?

And sleep must inevitably come again…

Sleepless and dateless in South Florida

Unlike Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, I don’t have a legitimate reason for my sleepless nights. In the movie, he was mourning the loss of a deceased spouse. I just worry too much. Night and day difference.

As far as the movie reference goes, hope there are other 80’s babies out there that will appreciate it. To give a rundown of a typical sleepless night for me: I’ll research online about what year Sleepless and Seattle came out (1993, by the way), then I’ll stumble on Tom Papa comedy, which makes me stumble on Seinfeld comedy, then I tell myself I have to write, but then I’m too tired to write or don’t know what I’m meant to write about. After all the internet surfing you also have to keep in mind I’m taking in all that blue light from my cell phone for hours at a time. Lose, lose situation with a dash of overkill. Then like I’m in a faint dream, I see the sunrise. It still feels as glorious as if I didn’t stink from staying up all night. Then my mind thinks I’m supposed to be awake at that point. You see how this ends up being a complete nosedive? I get zero sleep or nights when I’m lucky if l get a few hours.

I’ve tried all the remedies too. Melatonin, Advil PM, and the old fashioned just being utterly exhausted. I’ve grown tolerance to most of these solutions. Now, throw in not dating to the mix, and you’ll understand why I’m searching, or well, at least looking for some writing therapy . The last guy I dated, of course another one that wasn’t my type, was the one I wrote about in my December post, I really like you a lot. This was about him telling me he liked me, when the same feelings weren’t reciprocated on my end. That’s going on six months ago, with no serious dating since 2013, and without a boyfriend since 2010. Yes, 2010. I’m over the sleepless nights. I’m over hearing I have to heal from the past and current relationships first. I’m over feeling I’m just not ready to open the door and receive a respectful, sparking, fireworks kind of love. Come on Universe, it’s been seven plus years.  I’m here on this blog to announce I’m ready. I’m deserving of this. And if some healing has to happen, it will have to take place  while I’m getting to know my new match.  I’m going to be reminded of the quote below and get outside my comfort zone. I’m going to go entirely outside my comfort zones. Comfort zones are a false sense of security anyways, and nothing, I repeat, nothing ever grows there.  I also smell one more year until a 25th movie anniversary for Sleepless. They don’t make them like that anymore. I’m hopeful for a few movies I saw coming out this year though, one is called The Big Sick. As a side note, I adore Tom Hanks too. He had my heart in this movie, and still has it now with his recent Saturday Night Live skits. And Tom Papa with his, “have you lost weight?… “You’re doing the best you can.” It’s exactly the humor I need to hear right now! What can I say, I love comedy, and like a hybrid fairy and Cherub, I love romance.

Taking my own advice and giving it out to all of you at the same time: Get out there, take that big leap of faith outside your comfort zone, and watch how fast miracles unfold. 
“People who truly loved once, are far more likely to love again”, Sleepless in Seattle

SG