Sleepless and dateless in South Florida

Unlike Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, I don’t have a legitimate reason for my sleepless nights. In the movie, he was mourning the loss of a deceased spouse. I just worry too much. Night and day difference.  

As far as the movie reference goes, hope there are other 80’s babies out there that will appreciate it. To give a rundown of a typical sleepless night for me: I’ll research online about what year Sleepless and Seattle came out (1993, by the way), then I’ll stumble on Tom Papa comedy, which makes me stumble on Seinfeld comedy, then I tell myself I have to write, but then I’m too tired to write or don’t know what I’m meant to write about. After all the internet surfing you also have to keep in mind I’m taking in all that blue light from my cell phone for hours at a time. Lose, lose situation with a dash of overkill. Then like I’m in a faint dream, I see the sunrise. It still feels as glorious as if I didn’t stink from staying up all night. Then my mind thinks I’m supposed to be awake at that point. You see how this ends up being a complete nosedive? I get zero sleep or nights when I’m lucky if l get a few hours.

I’ve tried all the remedies too. Melatonin, Advil PM, and the old fashioned just being utterly exhausted. I’ve grown tolerance to most of these solutions. Now, throw in not dating to the mix, and you’ll understand why I’m searching, or well, at least looking for some writing therapy . The last guy I dated, of course another one that wasn’t my type, was the one I wrote about in my December post, I really like you a lot. This was about him telling me he liked me, when the same feelings weren’t reciprocated on my end. That’s going on six months ago, with no serious dating since 2013, and without a boyfriend since 2010. Yes, 2010. I’m over the sleepless nights. I’m over hearing I have to heal from the past and current relationships first. I’m over feeling I’m just not ready to open the door and receive a respectful, sparking, fireworks kind of love. Come on Universe, it’s been seven plus years.  I’m here on this blog to announce I’m ready. I’m deserving of this. And if some healing has to happen, it will just has to take place  while I’m getting to know my new match.  I’m going to be reminded of the quote below and get outside my comfort zone. I’m going to go entirely outside my comfort zones. Comfort zones are a false sense of security anyways, and nothing, I repeat, nothing ever grows there.  I also smell one more year until a 25th movie anniversary for Sleepless. They don’t make them like that anymore. I’m hopeful for a few movies I saw coming out this year though, one is called The Big Sick. As a side note, I adore Tom Hanks too. He had my heart in this movie, and still has it now with his recent Saturday Night Live skits. And Tom Papa with his, “have you lost weight?… “You’re doing the best you can.” It’s exactly the humor I need to hear right now! What can I say, I love comedy, and like a hybrid fairy and Cherub, I love romance. 

Taking my own advice and giving it out to all of you at the same time: Get out there, take that big leap of faith outside your comfort zone, and watch how fast miracles unfold. 
“People who truly loved once, are far more likely to love again”, Sleepless in Seattle 

SG 

My first random rant of 2017

I hope you all had a fantastic New Year’s Eve and day. I’m not quite sure how to tell you how mine was. You see, I was supposed to have dinner at my sisters with my Mom and my sister’s family (her husband and my 6 year old nephew). The dinner was a complete backfire though because she invited people I didn’t know were coming. I basically got pissed because of this and my Mom and I left early. Later at midnight, I toasted in the new year with my brother, his girlfriend, and a few of their friends. It was a complete cheat to have a small glass of champagne, but I mean, come on, I was ringing in a new year. 2017 just feels way different than 2016. Doesn’t it? We are about to hit the first full moon of the year tomorrow, Jan 12th. This full moon in the sign of Cancer and called the Wolf moon. Due to a bunch of other aligning astrological events, big changes are underway. Plus, to point out today is 1/11. All those 1’s in angel numbers means: Watch your thoughts because they are manifesting rapidly. Oh, goosebumps!! The kind you get from talking about something you love.  So only 11 days in the year and I already have some media I would like to discuss! The good, the creative, the cry worthy, and the fist-tightening or lip biting puzzling! Plus, of course, some randomness.

1)  Around the holidays Rihanna came out with a song called, “Love on the Brain”.  I’m not sure if any of you caught it on the radio or using Spotify, but I have to vent.  I love the music so much in this song that  it instantly drew me in. My hearing is bad though so I had to then after loving the vibe of the song look up the lyrics. Now I know Rihanna is messed up with her love life, and we may all be screwed up in some way or another, but maybe not the Rihanna way of being screwed up. The music is beautiful. Oh, but the lyrics are nasty! Two particular lines of lyrics (to be exact) are absolutely jaw dropping. Somehow, instead of being my sometimes prude or closed-minded self I decided I like it. She sings the lyrics so powerfully because she actually went through it herself. It’s BOLD! It’s CREATIVE! And I’m still going to say I like it. I pray no one reading this has the Rihanna way of being messed up though! Lol!

2) Anyone who hasn’t seen Meryl Streep’s Golden Globe speech that basically blew up the press immediately afterwards, has to stop everything they are doing right now and watch it. But since I am assuming you don’t live in a hole, you probably already watched it!

Ben Affleck’s response to Donald Trump’s tweet about Meryl Streep being an overrated actress is so funny and authentic. His interview on Jimmy Kimmel is also a must watch to tie in Trump’s tweet/reaction and Streep’s speech. This year is going to be a big year for media. There is going to be a constant tug of war with the truth. Make sure you stay safe, research sides, and trust your gut about what media is lying or not. Since a reality tv star is elected as our next commander in cheif, then I don’t see why anyone couldn’t listen to these beautiful words from Meryl Streep. She used a lifetime achievement award to talk about her distaste for that one incident involving Trump. She was definitely disheartened seeing it in person. Choose you sides wisely loves.

3)  Been doing a bit too much gambling lately, but it’s fun. And isn’t life just one big gamble?

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4) I’m still waiting for my tall, lanky, hazel-eyed, funny, sweet, handsome, successful man. I know he’s out there.

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xo,

SG

What I learned in 2016: a personal yet always random year in review

Can I start off by saying here in South Florida it doesn’t feel like December. Sure, it has still cooled off those 2 or 3 degrees. There are lights up. There are Christmas trees and decorations starting to show up more and more since December 1st hit.  But it just doesn’t feel like December. With that, let me transition so smoothly into my first random thought. All random. All related to something I learned in 2016. It’s been one heck of a year. 

1) 

Could there BE a funnier quote  to start with, as Chandler Bing would say? No there couldn’t be. Just like Vegas: what happens in 2016 stays in 2016.  Basically no matter how much it doesn’t feel like December, no matter how many times you say, “gee this is another year that went by too freaking fast”, no matter how much you reflect on the colossal amount of universe and personal shit that went down, the year is finally ending. For those disppointed in the election results, like I was, please remain strong. Pleasant twists and turns may be in store.  Also back to the quote or meme, it also reminds me of the movie Fight Club. “First rule of fight club, never talk about fight club”. Lol. Sayonara 2016, just Sayonara! 

2) I lived with my sister for four months out of 2016, and I have to say I took a lot from the experience. My sister has a husband and a 6 year old child. She loves me and is protective of me. But being 34 years old she just found it difficult to understand my place, and what brought me to the point in my life where I had to stay with her rent free for those months. She took me in and supported me. Being somewhat psychic, I feel she felt like a Harry Potter spell or a quick point of a magic wand would fix everything. I have had over 22 jobs that haven’t lasted since 2014. She just doesn’t get it. I am grateful I got to live with her though because it taught me no one is perfect. No one’s life is perfect. They were imperfectly who they were and I was imperfectly who I was. It’s not Facebook. It’s raw real life. They were a family, so as much as I would have been happy to stay longer, I had to be nomadic once again and move. I’ve moved too much professionally and personally. That’s been my life the past few years. And especially in 2016, I am hoping to finally say I learned from it. She doesn’t have to get me. I don’t have to get her stability. She has a family. I’ve never been married yet, but I learned your marriage and family by marriage has to always come first. When it doesn’t, that’s when you have bigger problems to fry! ❤️

3)

Going with the bullets above, I think this quote is fitting and superb. The original quote is also in the book Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson, but she only uses, “hell is other people”. I talked to my therapist this year about this quote and we agreed it really is both. It’s your own lens that perceive your opinions about others. So it truly does all start with you. Hell is other people. AND hell is yourself. Food for thought. It brings my life and love for the yin yang full circle. The full circle thing is fresh in my head thanks to the awesome Gilmore Girls revival. Maybe there is such a thing as balance out there? Or maybe like I pointed out above, maybe it’s the perfect imperfections that create an individual’s idea of balance. Life is messy, but that’s what makes it beautiful. That’s what makes it exciting. 

4) I learned this year that even with being so mobile with my career and living arrangements, I can still seek and find answers. I have a great amount of intuition and psychic ability that I don’t trust. I have to learn how to harness it and its good power. It will be the thing that makes me rise. It will be the thing that makes me peak, but continuously, not only once. I decided and was guided to make a bold move and  work for myself. It’s actually one of the main reasons I haven’t posted in a while on here. It’s completely in the beginning stages, and all that doesn’t matter. It will take time. How much time? I’m not sure. But isn’t, time anyways, all relative? It will make things sync in my life.  And what’s better than that really? 
5) 

6) 

Finally, when someone pushes you down, please remember this quote. You are perfect just the way you are. I’m still learning to forgive myself. I can forgive others a little too easily, but I must forgive myself. I’m highly sensitive, I’m emotional, and in all my imperfections, I am perfect just the way I am! 

Fuck resolutions, this is 2017 we’re talking about,

SG

Much needed randomness: The dreams can come true edition 

It’s been a while since I posted a random blog, so here goes since it’s a little overdue:

1. I’m about to finish listening to Oprah and Deepak’s 21 day meditation experience called Getting Unstuck: Creating  a Limitless Life. I highly recommend signing up for their next  21 day meditation and you can sign up for free right through the Deepak Chopra center meditation website and by clicking here. This meditation is ending now, but through Deepak’s wisdom I learned to embrace my true self, be creative and free,  and no longer accept secondhand or mediocre-at-best experiences. I learned in order to live a limitless life I must be an enthusiastic, loving, and nurturing creator of my life. As a cooperative co-creator everything can evolve beautifully in your life and in the world collectively. 

2. I’m halfway through Jenny Lawson’s book called Furiously Happy. What an incredible read so far. You are certain to conjure up every possible emotion known to man probably by the first 30 pages of this book. She takes a deep and personal look inside mental health, especially anxiety and depression, and I dig a writer who is raw like her. When the writing is refreshing and funny like Lawson’s you instantly feel comfortable, like she really is a best friend or family member. She’s big on taxidermy and even though I didn’t relate to this in the least,  she told the stories with such realness, humor, and wit I was laughing out loud to every single word. Her first book Let’s pretend this never happened also comes highly praised by reviewers and will definitely make it on my infinite to-read list.


3. Now let’s dive deeper into mental health, since it was already brought up above…I began the month of August on the right foot because I finally started on aniexty and sleep medications. One prescription is only for aniexty and the other one is for sleep and depression combined. I started them yesterday and I’m already so hopeful. I’ve had sleeping trouble for years now without much luck finding something that solidly works. I’ve used melatonin on a much more regular basis than I should so I’m almost immune to it now. Last year around this time I was working overnight work and was prescribed Ambien. For those of you that have never heard of Ambien: do not take it! Really! Its classified as a hypnotic sedative so that means you can basically sleep walk, talk, eat, have sex etc and do things you have no idea you’re doing. I was a rebel and stayed up on this drug the only time I took it, but fortunately  I only texted (without really wanting to). If you read up you’ll find a plethora of news stories on it that are a lot worse I may add. Driving and getting in a major accident being on Ambien…yep there’s a story out there like that and that happened. By the way, my texting was comparable to drunk texting.  Never again for that particular med, but I have high hopes for the two new ones. Maybe I can meet a guy and him not instantly  think I’m a crazy lady? Dreams can come true, just have to take the baby steps to get there. 

4. If the after life transition is not like the 1991 Albert Brooks movie Defending your life, I’ll be highly disappointed. This movie came to me being half asleep. Also less than 3 or 4 months ago the themes behind the movie Pleasantville came to me in a dream. I don’t know. Maybe a bit more analysis has to go into both?I took more understanding to the Pleasantville ideas even though I don’t know much about that movie as a whole. I personally thought: I’m ready for some nonconformist color to come back and hit me 💖.  Then the verdict in my mind is to definitely rewatch Defending your life. Here’s the classic past lives pavilion scene from Defending: 

The universe has your back-and knows all your wildest dreams, 

SG

I just haven’t met you yet…

I was doing some debating in my head about guys that disappear, and then reappear. You see, I’m one of those females that have a hard time just looking at one side of the picture, so I dig for more facts. The facts that are supposed to help me choose a side, only cause more confusion most the time. So these guys vanish. Of course it matters if you go all bat shit on them, get too clingy too fast, but sometimes you may do nothing wrong at all. How the experts explain it, a guy’s worth is solely determined by how well he can make a chick happy. As Mathew Boggs says, this validates his sense of self, so if he feels he can make you happy and be the romantic partner to you that you desire, his worth is defined. If not, or he decides after the effort he put in with you that he doesn’t like you, the vanishing acts happen.  It allows the door to be open for him to reappear, and allows him to not have to man up and talk to you directly about it. And from my personal experience, this means he can reappear after however long of a length of time that he wants to. Boggs’ dating advice  is similar to Matthew Hussey, but his solutions are a lot more spiritual and law of attraction based. I think that’s cool in my opinion. Here’s Boggs full take here:

He says the steps to handle this are to remind yourself there is a great guy out there for you, release don’t resist, and finally bring yourself to state of gratitude about the situation. Be grateful the guy is leaving the opening there for someone better to come into your life. So absorbing in all Boggs’ advice, I am connecting the Michael Buble song I just haven’t met you yet. It’s kind of genius. I am saying to myself, sure I might’ve just saw a guy last week from my past, that I haven’t dated since 2011, but had sex with in 2013, blah, blah, blah, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve had over a dozen guys do the vanishing and reappearing act on me. Guys I dated briefly, guys I dated seriously, ex-boyfriends, and guys that were only flings. I am saying goodbye to all of that, and releasing it. I am perfect with saying I’m ready for these guys not to return. Period! Just new beginnings and fresh starts. Like Boggs said, my great guy is out there for me, and as Buble points out, I just haven’t met him yet.  

Xo- SG

Amy Poehler’s the shit. 

In Poehler’s book Yes, Please she writes an apology letter from the brain and apology letter from the heart. She explains the brain cares about the facts, but it’s more important to listen to the feelings.

I’m still upset with both right now because, per usual, I have a lot going on in my personal life. I enjoyed her creative writing anyhow, even through my normal day to day doses of chaos. She is beyond a smart girl, like her organization’s namesake. She’s tough and soft at the same time. She is strong and awesome and funny. Enjoy the letters and related quotes of hers below.

Follow your heart but take your brain with you?…Nah, follow your heart, even when it leads to utter nonsense,

SG

  
“Your brain is not your friend when you need to apologize. Your brain and your ego and your intellect all remind you of the ‘facts.’ … Shame is difficult. It’s a weapon and a signal. It can paralyze or motivate.”

“A word about apologizing: It’s hard to do it without digging yourself in deeper. It’s also scary and that’s why we avoid the pain. We want so badly to plead our case and tell our story. The bad news is that everybody has a story. Everyone has a version of how things went down and how they participated. It’s hard to untangle facts and feelings.”

“Any painful experience makes you see things differently. It also reminds you of the ample truths that we purposely forget every day or else we would never get out of bed. Things like, nothing lasts forever and relationships can end. The best that can happen is you learn a little more about what you can handle and you stay soft through the pain. Perhaps you feel a little wiser. Maybe your experience can be of help to others.”

Debra Berndt lecture

First, I recommend totally ignoring the title of this YouTube video and just pay attention to Berndt’s teachings. Second, the sound quality is a little poor, so grin and bear? She talks worlds about how belief systems form even from when your in your mother’s womb. Also, what girl hasn’t experienced putting a guy on a pestedal, like she explains? The important thing to take from that though, is the guy on the other end of the spectrum,  the guy that the girl doesn’t dig all that much, but is crazy about her, is really just as a backwards relationship because it’s not true love.  Debra Bernt is amazing!