Sleepless and dateless in South Florida

Unlike Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, I don’t have a legitimate reason for my sleepless nights. In the movie, he was mourning the loss of a deceased spouse. I just worry too much. Night and day difference.  

As far as the movie reference goes, hope there are other 80’s babies out there that will appreciate it. To give a rundown of a typical sleepless night for me: I’ll research online about what year Sleepless and Seattle came out (1993, by the way), then I’ll stumble on Tom Papa comedy, which makes me stumble on Seinfeld comedy, then I tell myself I have to write, but then I’m too tired to write or don’t know what I’m meant to write about. After all the internet surfing you also have to keep in mind I’m taking in all that blue light from my cell phone for hours at a time. Lose, lose situation with a dash of overkill. Then like I’m in a faint dream, I see the sunrise. It still feels as glorious as if I didn’t stink from staying up all night. Then my mind thinks I’m supposed to be awake at that point. You see how this ends up being a complete nosedive? I get zero sleep or nights when I’m lucky if l get a few hours.

I’ve tried all the remedies too. Melatonin, Advil PM, and the old fashioned just being utterly exhausted. I’ve grown tolerance to most of these solutions. Now, throw in not dating to the mix, and you’ll understand why I’m searching, or well, at least looking for some writing therapy . The last guy I dated, of course another one that wasn’t my type, was the one I wrote about in my December post, I really like you a lot. This was about him telling me he liked me, when the same feelings weren’t reciprocated on my end. That’s going on six months ago, with no serious dating since 2013, and without a boyfriend since 2010. Yes, 2010. I’m over the sleepless nights. I’m over hearing I have to heal from the past and current relationships first. I’m over feeling I’m just not ready to open the door and receive a respectful, sparking, fireworks kind of love. Come on Universe, it’s been seven plus years.  I’m here on this blog to announce I’m ready. I’m deserving of this. And if some healing has to happen, it will just has to take place  while I’m getting to know my new match.  I’m going to be reminded of the quote below and get outside my comfort zone. I’m going to go entirely outside my comfort zones. Comfort zones are a false sense of security anyways, and nothing, I repeat, nothing ever grows there.  I also smell one more year until a 25th movie anniversary for Sleepless. They don’t make them like that anymore. I’m hopeful for a few movies I saw coming out this year though, one is called The Big Sick. As a side note, I adore Tom Hanks too. He had my heart in this movie, and still has it now with his recent Saturday Night Live skits. And Tom Papa with his, “have you lost weight?… “You’re doing the best you can.” It’s exactly the humor I need to hear right now! What can I say, I love comedy, and like a hybrid fairy and Cherub, I love romance. 

Taking my own advice and giving it out to all of you at the same time: Get out there, take that big leap of faith outside your comfort zone, and watch how fast miracles unfold. 
“People who truly loved once, are far more likely to love again”, Sleepless in Seattle 

SG 

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What I learned in 2016: a personal yet always random year in review

Can I start off by saying here in South Florida it doesn’t feel like December. Sure, it has still cooled off those 2 or 3 degrees. There are lights up. There are Christmas trees and decorations starting to show up more and more since December 1st hit.  But it just doesn’t feel like December. With that, let me transition so smoothly into my first random thought. All random. All related to something I learned in 2016. It’s been one heck of a year. 

1) 

Could there BE a funnier quote  to start with, as Chandler Bing would say? No there couldn’t be. Just like Vegas: what happens in 2016 stays in 2016.  Basically no matter how much it doesn’t feel like December, no matter how many times you say, “gee this is another year that went by too freaking fast”, no matter how much you reflect on the colossal amount of universe and personal shit that went down, the year is finally ending. For those disppointed in the election results, like I was, please remain strong. Pleasant twists and turns may be in store.  Also back to the quote or meme, it also reminds me of the movie Fight Club. “First rule of fight club, never talk about fight club”. Lol. Sayonara 2016, just Sayonara! 

2) I lived with my sister for four months out of 2016, and I have to say I took a lot from the experience. My sister has a husband and a 6 year old child. She loves me and is protective of me. But being 34 years old she just found it difficult to understand my place, and what brought me to the point in my life where I had to stay with her rent free for those months. She took me in and supported me. Being somewhat psychic, I feel she felt like a Harry Potter spell or a quick point of a magic wand would fix everything. I have had over 22 jobs that haven’t lasted since 2014. She just doesn’t get it. I am grateful I got to live with her though because it taught me no one is perfect. No one’s life is perfect. They were imperfectly who they were and I was imperfectly who I was. It’s not Facebook. It’s raw real life. They were a family, so as much as I would have been happy to stay longer, I had to be nomadic once again and move. I’ve moved too much professionally and personally. That’s been my life the past few years. And especially in 2016, I am hoping to finally say I learned from it. She doesn’t have to get me. I don’t have to get her stability. She has a family. I’ve never been married yet, but I learned your marriage and family by marriage has to always come first. When it doesn’t, that’s when you have bigger problems to fry! ❤️

3)

Going with the bullets above, I think this quote is fitting and superb. The original quote is also in the book Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson, but she only uses, “hell is other people”. I talked to my therapist this year about this quote and we agreed it really is both. It’s your own lens that perceive your opinions about others. So it truly does all start with you. Hell is other people. AND hell is yourself. Food for thought. It brings my life and love for the yin yang full circle. The full circle thing is fresh in my head thanks to the awesome Gilmore Girls revival. Maybe there is such a thing as balance out there? Or maybe like I pointed out above, maybe it’s the perfect imperfections that create an individual’s idea of balance. Life is messy, but that’s what makes it beautiful. That’s what makes it exciting. 

4) I learned this year that even with being so mobile with my career and living arrangements, I can still seek and find answers. I have a great amount of intuition and psychic ability that I don’t trust. I have to learn how to harness it and its good power. It will be the thing that makes me rise. It will be the thing that makes me peak, but continuously, not only once. I decided and was guided to make a bold move and  work for myself. It’s actually one of the main reasons I haven’t posted in a while on here. It’s completely in the beginning stages, and all that doesn’t matter. It will take time. How much time? I’m not sure. But isn’t, time anyways, all relative? It will make things sync in my life.  And what’s better than that really? 
5) 

6) 

Finally, when someone pushes you down, please remember this quote. You are perfect just the way you are. I’m still learning to forgive myself. I can forgive others a little too easily, but I must forgive myself. I’m highly sensitive, I’m emotional, and in all my imperfections, I am perfect just the way I am! 

Fuck resolutions, this is 2017 we’re talking about,

SG

A letter to my Dad on Valentine’s Day 

Dear Papa bear,

It’s amazing you’ve been gone since 2005. Last year making a whopping ten years. Where does the time go? Time… Yeah that’s not something that can really be talked about in full detail here or else this letter will be 100 pages long. I’m always late though, you know that, and like you…I like to take my time. Everything is such a rush nowadays. I feel to be rushed is awful. It’s all instant  gratification now with all the technology. I would like to just slow down. Create some time of my own on my own.  Actually live my life while I’m here. Instead of the lateness or instead of the waiting. 

I miss you a bunch but this is a pretty nice alternative to an actual conversation. You were a great Dad. You were the calm one. You were the one who loved to eat out once a week. You were the smart one. You were the night owl when mom was always the early riser.  You were the dry sense of humor and funny out of no where one. You were the one that liked to talk about driving horses, gambling on horses, or construction. Being a veteran, sanka, or having a wife almost twenty years younger than you…maybe less popular conversation starters? Lol. 

I know you hear my prayers. So please keep watching out for everyone, including me. Struggle is a part of life but is not meant to be this permanent. Actually, I refuse for it to be permnant. I did get my stubbornness from you after all.

And…I love you Dad with every scattered thought I have and with all the broken scarred parts of my heart. Happy Valentine’s in heaven. You are missed and I’m forever thinking of you.

  
Xoxo 

gilmorisms are the best   

I have an older Mom still kicking, and had a much, much older Dad growing up, so you’d think I wouldn’t relate much to the Gilmore Girls, right? I guess I just see my sister and I, I guess I just see two best friends. I see two strong/strong-headed chicks.  Gilmorisms are the best!

Happy Easter or what you may be celebrating,

Single girl