I was doing some thinking about all the things I learned this past year. But then I thought to myself that limits me, and let’s face it, you can learn something new every single day. So you rockstar singles out there reading this, here I present to you some hardcore randomness. Most of it may be personal, some of it may not. I just hope you take away from it, if not knowledge then maybe some heart.
1) I struggle with balance, and I have struggled with it for just about every day of my thirty-three years of life. It’s a constant battle with resistance and is massively getting in the way of my dreams. It’s getting in the way of my fulfillment. What you resist , persists. Well, fuck me! Why the fuck can’t I let things go? It’s a constant battle with my inner world too. Although as an introvert, I have quite a fascinating inner, spiritual retreat. The only problem with that is that it tends to make you a loner. I feel frustrated, confused, or misunderstood almost daily. Then there are the days I don’t even have the patience for kindness. It’s a work in progress. I’m learning a simple, yet deep knowledge about people: you have no control how they react, you can only control how you react. Keeping that in mind, I hope I find my balance. Then completely replace fear with love.
2) I would like my soul back. My beautiful, funny, quirky, lively, energetic, enthusiastic, hard working, independent, feisty soul. I want it back. Yeah, you read that right. You know the one maybe you took that night I had too much red wine, or was it that night I had too much beer? Or was it the night you finally stopped lying? Or the night I was completely sober, and maybe there was nothing left for you to take anymore and definitely nothing you had left to give.
3) This February 22nd marked a year sober from alcohol for me. I can not begin to express how difficult this journey has been for me. It took countless cups of coffee, maybe a half dozen sodas, and a couple of smoothies. But because I love to overthink and analyze, let’s read between the lines here. I may have stopped one addiction that was really bad for my relationships and my body, but in turn I replaced it with a new vice. I am addicted to social media. It’s bad, and I have no answer as of yet just what to do to resolve it. I’m wasting time online instead of living, even though I suppose some days are better than others. It can definitely go back to number one on this list, and that ever-omnipresent word of balance. I guess I was hoping not drinking would magically plop a husband down on my lap. Yeah that didn’t happen. Help me lose weight? Nope. Help with my career? Yeah, that didn’t happen either. Maybe with some more focus and gratitude it will bring about the changes I crave. But I still have quite a road ahead of myself.
4) I’m focusing on grounding and my root chakra in order to create more stable income and a stable home life for myself. Saying the affirmation: I am easily and effortlessly able to support myself. I think it’s been helping already. I even attended a grounding class last month recommended to me by my life coach. I’m learning slowly that maybe the answer to this is to stop with all these external sources for answers and just look within and inside myself.
5) Here’s my latest gratitude list, I think it was an awesome one: I am grateful for: Affirmations you can say anytime. I’m grateful for understanding repetitive patterns and looking inside myself for answers and solutions to these repeating experiences. Learn, learn some more, then grow. I’m grateful for my Moms Yorkie…this dog’s welcome to me never disappoints. I’m grateful for a quiet coffee shop, time to myself, and taking care of responsibilities. Im grateful for good research and really urge all of you beautiful people to research more everyday until the primary elections. I’m grateful for Cold stone ice cream, and I even splurged and had it three times this month! Have you had their banana ice cream?!? Pure heaven in a cup. Lol. I’m grateful for a surprise gift given to me from my sister. No doubt her and I have lived many past lives together and I love her to pieces. I’m grateful for the universe having my back. My thoughts will ricochet to positive one after positive one, creating even more miracles. And thank you God and angels for opening my heart, even if just a smidgen more than it was yesterday.
6) I’m getting help with employment through a vocational rehabilitation now due to having hearing loss. I have to come up with three jobs I think I could keep long term. All I know is since I’m an empath, anything that isn’t a retail job and isn’t mass customer service based is what will help me. You see, all I’ve been able to land the past two years is only retail based jobs because I am resisting it. (Remember…what we resist, persists.) I know I am good at research, I’m good at data entry, I’m good at organizing. I’m good at intuition, but never trust it. How do I pinpoint that to three jobs? Well, I’ll be praying something fantastic comes out of it. I’m ready. And throwing fear to the curb and dumpster.
To conclude, this beautiful radio tune just seems somewhat randomly appropriate:
Tomorrow is always a start over-SG