Sleepless and dateless in South Florida

Unlike Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, I don’t have a legitimate reason for my sleepless nights. In the movie, he was mourning the loss of a deceased spouse. I just worry too much. Night and day difference.  

As far as the movie reference goes, hope there are other 80’s babies out there that will appreciate it. To give a rundown of a typical sleepless night for me: I’ll research online about what year Sleepless and Seattle came out (1993, by the way), then I’ll stumble on Tom Papa comedy, which makes me stumble on Seinfeld comedy, then I tell myself I have to write, but then I’m too tired to write or don’t know what I’m meant to write about. After all the internet surfing you also have to keep in mind I’m taking in all that blue light from my cell phone for hours at a time. Lose, lose situation with a dash of overkill. Then like I’m in a faint dream, I see the sunrise. It still feels as glorious as if I didn’t stink from staying up all night. Then my mind thinks I’m supposed to be awake at that point. You see how this ends up being a complete nosedive? I get zero sleep or nights when I’m lucky if l get a few hours.

I’ve tried all the remedies too. Melatonin, Advil PM, and the old fashioned just being utterly exhausted. I’ve grown tolerance to most of these solutions. Now, throw in not dating to the mix, and you’ll understand why I’m searching, or well, at least looking for some writing therapy . The last guy I dated, of course another one that wasn’t my type, was the one I wrote about in my December post, I really like you a lot. This was about him telling me he liked me, when the same feelings weren’t reciprocated on my end. That’s going on six months ago, with no serious dating since 2013, and without a boyfriend since 2010. Yes, 2010. I’m over the sleepless nights. I’m over hearing I have to heal from the past and current relationships first. I’m over feeling I’m just not ready to open the door and receive a respectful, sparking, fireworks kind of love. Come on Universe, it’s been seven plus years.  I’m here on this blog to announce I’m ready. I’m deserving of this. And if some healing has to happen, it will just has to take place  while I’m getting to know my new match.  I’m going to be reminded of the quote below and get outside my comfort zone. I’m going to go entirely outside my comfort zones. Comfort zones are a false sense of security anyways, and nothing, I repeat, nothing ever grows there.  I also smell one more year until a 25th movie anniversary for Sleepless. They don’t make them like that anymore. I’m hopeful for a few movies I saw coming out this year though, one is called The Big Sick. As a side note, I adore Tom Hanks too. He had my heart in this movie, and still has it now with his recent Saturday Night Live skits. And Tom Papa with his, “have you lost weight?… “You’re doing the best you can.” It’s exactly the humor I need to hear right now! What can I say, I love comedy, and like a hybrid fairy and Cherub, I love romance. 

Taking my own advice and giving it out to all of you at the same time: Get out there, take that big leap of faith outside your comfort zone, and watch how fast miracles unfold. 
“People who truly loved once, are far more likely to love again”, Sleepless in Seattle 

SG 

What I learned in 2016: a personal yet always random year in review

Can I start off by saying here in South Florida it doesn’t feel like December. Sure, it has still cooled off those 2 or 3 degrees. There are lights up. There are Christmas trees and decorations starting to show up more and more since December 1st hit.  But it just doesn’t feel like December. With that, let me transition so smoothly into my first random thought. All random. All related to something I learned in 2016. It’s been one heck of a year. 

1) 

Could there BE a funnier quote  to start with, as Chandler Bing would say? No there couldn’t be. Just like Vegas: what happens in 2016 stays in 2016.  Basically no matter how much it doesn’t feel like December, no matter how many times you say, “gee this is another year that went by too freaking fast”, no matter how much you reflect on the colossal amount of universe and personal shit that went down, the year is finally ending. For those disppointed in the election results, like I was, please remain strong. Pleasant twists and turns may be in store.  Also back to the quote or meme, it also reminds me of the movie Fight Club. “First rule of fight club, never talk about fight club”. Lol. Sayonara 2016, just Sayonara! 

2) I lived with my sister for four months out of 2016, and I have to say I took a lot from the experience. My sister has a husband and a 6 year old child. She loves me and is protective of me. But being 34 years old she just found it difficult to understand my place, and what brought me to the point in my life where I had to stay with her rent free for those months. She took me in and supported me. Being somewhat psychic, I feel she felt like a Harry Potter spell or a quick point of a magic wand would fix everything. I have had over 22 jobs that haven’t lasted since 2014. She just doesn’t get it. I am grateful I got to live with her though because it taught me no one is perfect. No one’s life is perfect. They were imperfectly who they were and I was imperfectly who I was. It’s not Facebook. It’s raw real life. They were a family, so as much as I would have been happy to stay longer, I had to be nomadic once again and move. I’ve moved too much professionally and personally. That’s been my life the past few years. And especially in 2016, I am hoping to finally say I learned from it. She doesn’t have to get me. I don’t have to get her stability. She has a family. I’ve never been married yet, but I learned your marriage and family by marriage has to always come first. When it doesn’t, that’s when you have bigger problems to fry! ❤️

3)

Going with the bullets above, I think this quote is fitting and superb. The original quote is also in the book Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson, but she only uses, “hell is other people”. I talked to my therapist this year about this quote and we agreed it really is both. It’s your own lens that perceive your opinions about others. So it truly does all start with you. Hell is other people. AND hell is yourself. Food for thought. It brings my life and love for the yin yang full circle. The full circle thing is fresh in my head thanks to the awesome Gilmore Girls revival. Maybe there is such a thing as balance out there? Or maybe like I pointed out above, maybe it’s the perfect imperfections that create an individual’s idea of balance. Life is messy, but that’s what makes it beautiful. That’s what makes it exciting. 

4) I learned this year that even with being so mobile with my career and living arrangements, I can still seek and find answers. I have a great amount of intuition and psychic ability that I don’t trust. I have to learn how to harness it and its good power. It will be the thing that makes me rise. It will be the thing that makes me peak, but continuously, not only once. I decided and was guided to make a bold move and  work for myself. It’s actually one of the main reasons I haven’t posted in a while on here. It’s completely in the beginning stages, and all that doesn’t matter. It will take time. How much time? I’m not sure. But isn’t, time anyways, all relative? It will make things sync in my life.  And what’s better than that really? 
5) 

6) 

Finally, when someone pushes you down, please remember this quote. You are perfect just the way you are. I’m still learning to forgive myself. I can forgive others a little too easily, but I must forgive myself. I’m highly sensitive, I’m emotional, and in all my imperfections, I am perfect just the way I am! 

Fuck resolutions, this is 2017 we’re talking about,

SG

Not like the movies

Just when I thought I’ve discovered all there is to love about Katy Perry…I stumbled across this relic. 😍 I love everything about this song. Sweet melody and perfect emotional singing. 

Can you still say sweet dreams at 4:30 in the morning? Hoping for some peace, I mean some sleep. 
-SG

Heartbreak

I didn’t think heartache or heartbreak could come so out of blue, but believe me, it can. I was listening to iTunes Mixtape late Friday night when two songs prompted a response and sadness in me I’ve neglected for a really long time. I was so moved by this emotion I posted the picture on my Instagram and Facebook account. Oh, and of course also adding the intentional pun,”Well-played Universe.”


Even through the pain I joked and said that on the sadness scale, Green Day’s Wake me up when September ends and The Cure’s Pictures of you would’ve worked just as perfect.

As far as the two songs that actually did play, When I come around  played first and I have a connection to this song going all the way back to high school, yes, 15 some years ago. It connects to my adult life as well because I’m an empath. Being an empath it’s easy to be cynical because you sometimes have to dig to find your own feelings. The empath qualities have made me take pieces, sometimes big pieces, of guys I’m in relationships with, and make them my own. Green day is my favorite band, maybe part because I really like them, but also because they were a big part of someone I dated then. Now onto Fade into you, no personal connection to a specific person with this song, but come on. It explains the essence of what an empath does being in a relationship, besides having the saddest melody ever! From my own personal experiences, when I don’t take a piece of the person’s strong value or interest, I definitely take on their feelings. Oh you’re feeling pain? Let me take that from you. Oh, you’re feeling shame? I’ll take that too. You feel hurt and resentment? My speciality! That’s the thing about empaths, they must not only shield themselves from harsh energy, but clear away energy and emotions that actually don’t belong to them. This proves as difficult as it sounds because when you absorb so much externally, you own energy drowns in the process. It’s a constant shield and clearing battle.

With all this backstory, what’s the solution to heartache? Well, that’s where handy and beautiful social media comes into play. 😉The adorable Matthew Hussey explains in the video below distraction is only a temporary fix for heartache.  For example, drinking, or sleeping with someone else right away…it may numb the feeling for the moment, but that’s all. He strongly advises against that! What he says to do is make progress in your own life. Meaningful progress. He says drowning in your work, that’s just another distraction tactic. But actually do something that makes you feel alive and that you’re passionate about. He says even a baby step to some bigger progress is good. If it improves the quality of your life, you’re heading in the right direction to ease the pain and not just mask it.

Thank you for the advice Mr. Hussey! It couldn’t have come at a more perfect time for this sensitive empath!

“If one of the most important things in life is love, then suffering because of love, is clearly going to be one of the most painful things.” Matthew Hussey

The Mastery of Love by Ruiz

  

 

The Mastery of Love by Ruiz was given to me as a recommendation from a life coach I’ve kept in touch with. I was getting my thoughts  together to journal about it but for some reason my mind was having a hard time just focusing on one idea or feeling from the book. I’m halfway through the 200 page book now and I’m feeling frustrated, and I think that feeling has changed about a dozen times in between, and will continue to be fleeting. You see the central themes of the book, given in small doses of short stories are this: the simple yet powerful wisdom of the Toltec, self-love, and how self-love allows you to be in a loving, completely non-fear based relationship.

The thing that kind of frustrated me right off the bat about book was Ruiz’s explanation of emotional scars, that when they don’t heal, turn into emotional poison. The basic premise of this was that since we are born into the society we are born in to this fate is predestined. He basically makes it sound like anyone reading the book is damaged goods, but says it in a way, like hey, that’s okay, because we are all damaged from emotional scars that can turn into poison. The trick is to heal what you can. Accept everything outside yourself you have no control over. And accept yourself. He says we are ever only responsible for one half of a relationship, and that’s our half, not our partners half.

One of the stories I really liked was about the man that didn’t believe in love. He said love didn’t exist because in all relationships there is the addict, and then the supplier to the addict. One day the man that didn’t believe in love saw a girl crying and he asked the girl why she was crying. She said I don’t believe in love. The man thought this was fantastic that someone shared his idea about love and they become the bestest of friends. Then after becoming friends the man said, I know this sounds crazy but I think this feeling I feel for you is love. The girl reciprocated and said I think this feeling I have for you is love. Then one day the man caught his happiness within a star in the sky and he grabbed it. He was so excited to share his happiness with the girl he loved. He placed the star, his happiness, in the palm of the girl’s hand, and she immediately shattered it. Ruiz says, who was wrong, the guy or the girl? The guy was wrong, Ruiz says, because he was holding the girl responsible for his happiness, when he put the star, his happiness, in her hands, and this immediately became too much for her. The moral: we are the only ones responsible for our happiness. 

So as of right now, my confusion from the book Ruiz would just label fear, is okay. Maybe by the time I finish it in another week or so, that fear will leave and be replaced with love. I’ve picked out some good passages from the book below , and hope you all take something from it and enjoy. No one said the journey to self discovery and self acceptance would be a cakewalk. 

Opening up my heart chakra,

The awesome single girl