What I learned in 2016: a personal yet always random year in review

Can I start off by saying here in South Florida it doesn’t feel like December. Sure, it has still cooled off those 2 or 3 degrees. There are lights up. There are Christmas trees and decorations starting to show up more and more since December 1st hit.  But it just doesn’t feel like December. With that, let me transition so smoothly into my first random thought. All random. All related to something I learned in 2016. It’s been one heck of a year. 

1) 

Could there BE a funnier quote  to start with, as Chandler Bing would say? No there couldn’t be. Just like Vegas: what happens in 2016 stays in 2016.  Basically no matter how much it doesn’t feel like December, no matter how many times you say, “gee this is another year that went by too freaking fast”, no matter how much you reflect on the colossal amount of universe and personal shit that went down, the year is finally ending. For those disppointed in the election results, like I was, please remain strong. Pleasant twists and turns may be in store.  Also back to the quote or meme, it also reminds me of the movie Fight Club. “First rule of fight club, never talk about fight club”. Lol. Sayonara 2016, just Sayonara! 

2) I lived with my sister for four months out of 2016, and I have to say I took a lot from the experience. My sister has a husband and a 6 year old child. She loves me and is protective of me. But being 34 years old she just found it difficult to understand my place, and what brought me to the point in my life where I had to stay with her rent free for those months. She took me in and supported me. Being somewhat psychic, I feel she felt like a Harry Potter spell or a quick point of a magic wand would fix everything. I have had over 22 jobs that haven’t lasted since 2014. She just doesn’t get it. I am grateful I got to live with her though because it taught me no one is perfect. No one’s life is perfect. They were imperfectly who they were and I was imperfectly who I was. It’s not Facebook. It’s raw real life. They were a family, so as much as I would have been happy to stay longer, I had to be nomadic once again and move. I’ve moved too much professionally and personally. That’s been my life the past few years. And especially in 2016, I am hoping to finally say I learned from it. She doesn’t have to get me. I don’t have to get her stability. She has a family. I’ve never been married yet, but I learned your marriage and family by marriage has to always come first. When it doesn’t, that’s when you have bigger problems to fry! ❤️

3)

Going with the bullets above, I think this quote is fitting and superb. The original quote is also in the book Furiously Happy by Jenny Lawson, but she only uses, “hell is other people”. I talked to my therapist this year about this quote and we agreed it really is both. It’s your own lens that perceive your opinions about others. So it truly does all start with you. Hell is other people. AND hell is yourself. Food for thought. It brings my life and love for the yin yang full circle. The full circle thing is fresh in my head thanks to the awesome Gilmore Girls revival. Maybe there is such a thing as balance out there? Or maybe like I pointed out above, maybe it’s the perfect imperfections that create an individual’s idea of balance. Life is messy, but that’s what makes it beautiful. That’s what makes it exciting. 

4) I learned this year that even with being so mobile with my career and living arrangements, I can still seek and find answers. I have a great amount of intuition and psychic ability that I don’t trust. I have to learn how to harness it and its good power. It will be the thing that makes me rise. It will be the thing that makes me peak, but continuously, not only once. I decided and was guided to make a bold move and  work for myself. It’s actually one of the main reasons I haven’t posted in a while on here. It’s completely in the beginning stages, and all that doesn’t matter. It will take time. How much time? I’m not sure. But isn’t, time anyways, all relative? It will make things sync in my life.  And what’s better than that really? 
5) 

6) 

Finally, when someone pushes you down, please remember this quote. You are perfect just the way you are. I’m still learning to forgive myself. I can forgive others a little too easily, but I must forgive myself. I’m highly sensitive, I’m emotional, and in all my imperfections, I am perfect just the way I am! 

Fuck resolutions, this is 2017 we’re talking about,

SG

Letter to my exes 

I’ve met my soulmate.  And after almost 7 years of inconsistent, painful, and for the most part dubious dating experiences…I have finally moved on. I thank you all for the lessons you’ve taught me, no matter how hard they might’ve been. No matter how big or small. I’ve definitely learned the lessons. I forgive you all, and I forgive myself too. Everyone has a past. Everyone is imperfect.  My life on the surface looks out of control. I regularly absorb a mess of beautiful chaos that’s hard to predict from day to day, so I could understand if that’d be too much to handle full time. 

I thank you for the time you spent with me, no matter how little, too much, or sporadic it might’ve been. I have to apologize to the couple of you that I would see randomly over the years if I seemed like a different person every time we’d get together. A drinker and a sober person are worlds apart. And believe me, you guys also seemed different every time too. I appreciate that this has molded me into the chick I am today. 
The scars you left on my heart will always remain, but I’ve moved on. Finally. I hope you all experience happiness, love, and inner peace. 

SG

I just haven’t met you yet…

I was doing some debating in my head about guys that disappear, and then reappear. You see, I’m one of those females that have a hard time just looking at one side of the picture, so I dig for more facts. The facts that are supposed to help me choose a side, only cause more confusion most the time. So these guys vanish. Of course it matters if you go all bat shit on them, get too clingy too fast, but sometimes you may do nothing wrong at all. How the experts explain it, a guy’s worth is solely determined by how well he can make a chick happy. As Mathew Boggs says, this validates his sense of self, so if he feels he can make you happy and be the romantic partner to you that you desire, his worth is defined. If not, or he decides after the effort he put in with you that he doesn’t like you, the vanishing acts happen.  It allows the door to be open for him to reappear, and allows him to not have to man up and talk to you directly about it. And from my personal experience, this means he can reappear after however long of a length of time that he wants to. Boggs’ dating advice  is similar to Matthew Hussey, but his solutions are a lot more spiritual and law of attraction based. I think that’s cool in my opinion. Here’s Boggs full take here:

He says the steps to handle this are to remind yourself there is a great guy out there for you, release don’t resist, and finally bring yourself to state of gratitude about the situation. Be grateful the guy is leaving the opening there for someone better to come into your life. So absorbing in all Boggs’ advice, I am connecting the Michael Buble song I just haven’t met you yet. It’s kind of genius. I am saying to myself, sure I might’ve just saw a guy last week from my past, that I haven’t dated since 2011, but had sex with in 2013, blah, blah, blah, but it doesn’t matter. I’ve had over a dozen guys do the vanishing and reappearing act on me. Guys I dated briefly, guys I dated seriously, ex-boyfriends, and guys that were only flings. I am saying goodbye to all of that, and releasing it. I am perfect with saying I’m ready for these guys not to return. Period! Just new beginnings and fresh starts. Like Boggs said, my great guy is out there for me, and as Buble points out, I just haven’t met him yet.  

Xo- SG

Letter to money. 

The letter to money idea is presented in the book, You are a Badass, by Jen Sincero. In the book she says to respect money, release any old fear or resentment towards money, and to not be poverty proud throughout life. She states money is currency therefore currency is energy. She teaches eliminate using the word can’t, and to always bring your consciousness to a place of abundance, not lack. Speaking in terms of lack only creates more lack. She continues saying that to align your energy with the financial abundance you seek, there must be zero feelings of conflict, resentment, or resistance.  Besides writing the letter to money to release any bad feelings that you may carry for it, she also suggests to be really detailed with numbers and research so that you know clearly where you are and where you would like to be. A manfesto is awesome for this general idea as well. She mentions that including specific amounts that you like to spend on yourself and others, or donate, are all pinpointing starting points. Write  down the specific amount you’d like to always keep in your bank account. Something as simple as saying the statement money comes to me all the time could even be a helpful beginning. Thank you Jen Sincero for your incredible ideas! Now let’s bring this all into fruition.

Letter to money:

Dear ever lasting, keen, sneaky, maybe not so evil after all, money,

I used to have an unhealthy love/hate relationship with you, kind of exactly like my relationship with Facebook. That all comes to an end now.
I am writing to surrender my ill-feelings, regret, and fear I hold towards you. You have been there for me many times before, and continue to me there for me again and again. One specific time you were there for me was when I lived alone and worked as an administrative assistant between the years 2012-2014. I made good money there and it was a job I was skilled at and liked a lot.

I am beyond grateful and thankful when you appear to help with my life. You’re always there plenty for me to have food, shelter, or even get my toes done (did). I have the respect for you to appear to help with the holistic health I am inspired to pursue,which brings me inner well being, peace, and physical health.

I will always have a minimum of $2500 in my bank account and donate 10% of what I make. I have complete financial freedom.

MONEY COMES TO ME ALL THE TIME!!!

I love you money and the joy you bring into my life. Please allow me to heal any of my trust issues and resistance I have with you. Please forgive me for my harshness or contradicting feelings towards you. I deserve to receive my best so I can give my best.

Signed faithfully and with much belief,

SG

The Mastery of Love by Ruiz

  

 

The Mastery of Love by Ruiz was given to me as a recommendation from a life coach I’ve kept in touch with. I was getting my thoughts  together to journal about it but for some reason my mind was having a hard time just focusing on one idea or feeling from the book. I’m halfway through the 200 page book now and I’m feeling frustrated, and I think that feeling has changed about a dozen times in between, and will continue to be fleeting. You see the central themes of the book, given in small doses of short stories are this: the simple yet powerful wisdom of the Toltec, self-love, and how self-love allows you to be in a loving, completely non-fear based relationship.

The thing that kind of frustrated me right off the bat about book was Ruiz’s explanation of emotional scars, that when they don’t heal, turn into emotional poison. The basic premise of this was that since we are born into the society we are born in to this fate is predestined. He basically makes it sound like anyone reading the book is damaged goods, but says it in a way, like hey, that’s okay, because we are all damaged from emotional scars that can turn into poison. The trick is to heal what you can. Accept everything outside yourself you have no control over. And accept yourself. He says we are ever only responsible for one half of a relationship, and that’s our half, not our partners half.

One of the stories I really liked was about the man that didn’t believe in love. He said love didn’t exist because in all relationships there is the addict, and then the supplier to the addict. One day the man that didn’t believe in love saw a girl crying and he asked the girl why she was crying. She said I don’t believe in love. The man thought this was fantastic that someone shared his idea about love and they become the bestest of friends. Then after becoming friends the man said, I know this sounds crazy but I think this feeling I feel for you is love. The girl reciprocated and said I think this feeling I have for you is love. Then one day the man caught his happiness within a star in the sky and he grabbed it. He was so excited to share his happiness with the girl he loved. He placed the star, his happiness, in the palm of the girl’s hand, and she immediately shattered it. Ruiz says, who was wrong, the guy or the girl? The guy was wrong, Ruiz says, because he was holding the girl responsible for his happiness, when he put the star, his happiness, in her hands, and this immediately became too much for her. The moral: we are the only ones responsible for our happiness. 

So as of right now, my confusion from the book Ruiz would just label fear, is okay. Maybe by the time I finish it in another week or so, that fear will leave and be replaced with love. I’ve picked out some good passages from the book below , and hope you all take something from it and enjoy. No one said the journey to self discovery and self acceptance would be a cakewalk. 

Opening up my heart chakra,

The awesome single girl