Disconnected 

“I’ve had all these things before,” she whispers roughly inside her head. 

Now they seem like faint dreams. Hard to remember, with a questionable end. 

Her inner voice guides her. “Go left”, she hears, so she makes a sharp right instead. 

She talks to Angel Intuitives, Psychics, and Reiki Practitioners alike. 

They all tell her the same fight. “Your world will soon be different.”

“Shine your light,” they add. “That’s your destiny. That’s your birth right.”

“Will what’s justly mine ever find me?,” she recites. “I feel such a disconnect and such contrite.”

“This year,” they all simultaneously say, with a reassurance she easily invites.

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The psychic said…

the psychic said I’d see you again, her vision crystal clear.

she said you’d cycle back in for the fifth time. 

I couldn’t believe my ears. 

the psychic said residuals and ties were remaining there. 

I didn’t care. 

she said I would stay away next time around.

Finally I listened.

and mustered up my heart from the ground. 

Moral Compass

Moral Compass   1/22/2015 

My moral compass is beautiful shades of gray.
And I like it that way.
It glitters as an invisible light.

No way to tell who’s wrong or right. Beliefs and feelings blend.
No easy way to mend.

My emotional levels need maturing, they say.
They tell me to grow up, and act my age.
But that’s only a number imagination made.

They go along with their head,
ego leading the way, he said, she said.

I desire to be true.
I envision change and all that’s new,
Although my voice of ego sometimes overpowers too.

The others tell me to accept myself.
Love myself?

Then the old adage rang:
Another soul can know you better than you know yourself.

But who’s youer than you?,
Like the cat once sang.

My moral compass is my own.
Full of self acceptance they’ve never known.

My expectations, assumptions high.
Maybe too high and strong for most.
Creating nothing but sweet goodbyes.

For now, I will dance with them.
But tomorrow’s a reformer,
where something real and new is around the corner.

Earth Angel

Earth Angel     09/23/2014

She’s not your typical angel.

She’s pixie-like,

rebellious.

She’s always waiting,

which makes her angry.

Sometimes she wonders what she’s waiting for.

Her life’s purpose is right in front of her face,

but she’s uncooperative.

She doesn’t accept it, fights it; Forces all, nothing enters in naturally.

Repeats and mistakes, but only they are not really mistakes,

they are her life.

She’s overly emotional and sensitive.

Strange and weird, but in a good way.

People use this against her.

She defends herself to thin air.

Takes a deep breath, and visits the real world again.

Lovers always unfaithful, abusive.

Or just plain unwilling to offer her love.

So she sits alone, right next to someone.

She sits alone, independently.

She thinks out loud.

Waits some more.

And clings to her dreams.

The vision is simple…

that she will find an entrance door to her purpose.

And things will make sense then.

Then she’ll be the Earth Angel she knows she was destined to be.

The waiting will end.

Her mission will be fulfilled.

Vices

I  didn’t drink for an entire month and a half, but due to stress I just cheated. So, I thought sharing this old poem, right at this time, would be appropriate. I want to let go of negative patterns I keep repeating in my life. Feel free to let me know what you think…And sorry, this accidentally ended up sounding like lyrics to a country song, so by all means, sing it that way when you read it if you want!

Vices          10/13/2012

She’s beating herself up again,
with the same old negative dialogue.
Internally,
“How do I change the world?” she asks.
“How do I change my loneliness?” she masks
Awkward.
Contradicting.
A total two-sided,
split sun and moon.
It’s driving her crazy;
She needs to meet someone amazing soon.
“You control your emotions, they don’t control you,”
an insignificant boy once said.
“Pay attention to your thoughts in the morning,” another one said.
She takes the attention,
even when it’s destructive.
Yet she doesn’t take good advice,
anything instructive.

Unwanted thoughts,
always floating around in her mind.
Drinking makes her courageous,
but also makes her dumb and blind.
She is now and always has been,
the unpredictable kind.
She doesn’t want to be treated differently,
or so often misunderstood.
She longs for change,
to ultimately feel good.

::Hook::
She is a good hearted girl, with just a few vices.

She wants to see fireworks during a rainstorm,
or just roll a few dices.

 

Stay true to yourself, always,

Single Girl Woes