Sleepless and dateless in South Florida

Unlike Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle, I don’t have a legitimate reason for my sleepless nights. In the movie, he was mourning the loss of a deceased spouse. I just worry too much. Night and day difference.  

As far as the movie reference goes, hope there are other 80’s babies out there that will appreciate it. To give a rundown of a typical sleepless night for me: I’ll research online about what year Sleepless and Seattle came out (1993, by the way), then I’ll stumble on Tom Papa comedy, which makes me stumble on Seinfeld comedy, then I tell myself I have to write, but then I’m too tired to write or don’t know what I’m meant to write about. After all the internet surfing you also have to keep in mind I’m taking in all that blue light from my cell phone for hours at a time. Lose, lose situation with a dash of overkill. Then like I’m in a faint dream, I see the sunrise. It still feels as glorious as if I didn’t stink from staying up all night. Then my mind thinks I’m supposed to be awake at that point. You see how this ends up being a complete nosedive? I get zero sleep or nights when I’m lucky if l get a few hours.

I’ve tried all the remedies too. Melatonin, Advil PM, and the old fashioned just being utterly exhausted. I’ve grown tolerance to most of these solutions. Now, throw in not dating to the mix, and you’ll understand why I’m searching, or well, at least looking for some writing therapy . The last guy I dated, of course another one that wasn’t my type, was the one I wrote about in my December post, I really like you a lot. This was about him telling me he liked me, when the same feelings weren’t reciprocated on my end. That’s going on six months ago, with no serious dating since 2013, and without a boyfriend since 2010. Yes, 2010. I’m over the sleepless nights. I’m over hearing I have to heal from the past and current relationships first. I’m over feeling I’m just not ready to open the door and receive a respectful, sparking, fireworks kind of love. Come on Universe, it’s been seven plus years.  I’m here on this blog to announce I’m ready. I’m deserving of this. And if some healing has to happen, it will just has to take place  while I’m getting to know my new match.  I’m going to be reminded of the quote below and get outside my comfort zone. I’m going to go entirely outside my comfort zones. Comfort zones are a false sense of security anyways, and nothing, I repeat, nothing ever grows there.  I also smell one more year until a 25th movie anniversary for Sleepless. They don’t make them like that anymore. I’m hopeful for a few movies I saw coming out this year though, one is called The Big Sick. As a side note, I adore Tom Hanks too. He had my heart in this movie, and still has it now with his recent Saturday Night Live skits. And Tom Papa with his, “have you lost weight?… “You’re doing the best you can.” It’s exactly the humor I need to hear right now! What can I say, I love comedy, and like a hybrid fairy and Cherub, I love romance. 

Taking my own advice and giving it out to all of you at the same time: Get out there, take that big leap of faith outside your comfort zone, and watch how fast miracles unfold. 
“People who truly loved once, are far more likely to love again”, Sleepless in Seattle 

SG 

The Mastery of Love by Ruiz

  

 

The Mastery of Love by Ruiz was given to me as a recommendation from a life coach I’ve kept in touch with. I was getting my thoughts  together to journal about it but for some reason my mind was having a hard time just focusing on one idea or feeling from the book. I’m halfway through the 200 page book now and I’m feeling frustrated, and I think that feeling has changed about a dozen times in between, and will continue to be fleeting. You see the central themes of the book, given in small doses of short stories are this: the simple yet powerful wisdom of the Toltec, self-love, and how self-love allows you to be in a loving, completely non-fear based relationship.

The thing that kind of frustrated me right off the bat about book was Ruiz’s explanation of emotional scars, that when they don’t heal, turn into emotional poison. The basic premise of this was that since we are born into the society we are born in to this fate is predestined. He basically makes it sound like anyone reading the book is damaged goods, but says it in a way, like hey, that’s okay, because we are all damaged from emotional scars that can turn into poison. The trick is to heal what you can. Accept everything outside yourself you have no control over. And accept yourself. He says we are ever only responsible for one half of a relationship, and that’s our half, not our partners half.

One of the stories I really liked was about the man that didn’t believe in love. He said love didn’t exist because in all relationships there is the addict, and then the supplier to the addict. One day the man that didn’t believe in love saw a girl crying and he asked the girl why she was crying. She said I don’t believe in love. The man thought this was fantastic that someone shared his idea about love and they become the bestest of friends. Then after becoming friends the man said, I know this sounds crazy but I think this feeling I feel for you is love. The girl reciprocated and said I think this feeling I have for you is love. Then one day the man caught his happiness within a star in the sky and he grabbed it. He was so excited to share his happiness with the girl he loved. He placed the star, his happiness, in the palm of the girl’s hand, and she immediately shattered it. Ruiz says, who was wrong, the guy or the girl? The guy was wrong, Ruiz says, because he was holding the girl responsible for his happiness, when he put the star, his happiness, in her hands, and this immediately became too much for her. The moral: we are the only ones responsible for our happiness. 

So as of right now, my confusion from the book Ruiz would just label fear, is okay. Maybe by the time I finish it in another week or so, that fear will leave and be replaced with love. I’ve picked out some good passages from the book below , and hope you all take something from it and enjoy. No one said the journey to self discovery and self acceptance would be a cakewalk. 

Opening up my heart chakra,

The awesome single girl